Sitting with Sadness

by Janis Caravello

Voices from the Space2Meditate Community

Meditating today there was sadness. I miss my dad.

It seems the emptier his house becomes the bigger his presence is felt.

There is also guilt here. His last days of dying were not as peaceful and pain free as we had thought they would be.  Wishing it could have been different, wishing he could have gone back in time to when he was healthier and time would stop there.  But if there is craving for things to not change where does the not changing stop? How many of life’s joys would be missed? When my dad was healthier he hadn’t yet started our family’s annual sunflower growing contest, his great-grandson wasn’t born, and my daughter wasn’t in love and married. 

So I end up back where I began - there is sadness here.  But no story followed.

Still meditating- there is sadness along with fear, dismay, bewilderment.

Sitting with such heaviness.  Eyes sting, throat tight, stomach knotted, fists clenched.  Breathing in, breathing out.  Sending breath to each body part, breathing in and breathing out.  It takes time.  It softens a bit. 

But I am safe. Those who are suffering, those surrounded by war, living in fear, grieving, thirsty, hungry, cold… is my breath enough? 

I breathe in and I breathe out - sending them strength, hope, love, wishes for peace.

Is that enough? No, but it is what I can do at this moment.